Week 5 Storytelling: I really like how this story kind of start in the middle. I think it captures the audience at the very beginning, and that is important. As a suggestion, maybe try and create a backstory in why the King no longer cares about materialistic goods. Although, that backstory may be in the original story, so in that sense it creates a curiosity for the reader to go and read the origin story. I like that you include the reactions of village people when the King arrives. Their perspective is important to the story as well. The Author’s Note may be a good place to include more information about why the King had a change of outlook on life. I like how generally happy this story is. It make the reader like the King, makes him more relatable. You talk a touch on the point a little at the very last sentence, but I think it would give the reader a little more context.
Introduction: Tall Tales of Rasmussen I liked the way you formatted your introduction. The way you framed the story as if one of the characters was talking to the audience really makes the readers feel part of the story. It gave me the feel of the story A Christmas Carol. I felt like I was Scrooge looking in on what was happening but instead of looking at my life I was looking in on what was happening at The Fishing Hole and the competition that was about to take place. Speaking of the competition, I thought that it was cool that you used the setup of a storytelling competition to transition into the first story of your storybook. Your layout looks nice as well. The colors that you used fit well with the picture you posted, the setting of the story, and the cold feel of the story that is created by the description of The Fishing Hole. I have never heard of Knud Rasmussen but, your story sounds great and I am interested to read about his adventures.
I really liked your introduction: it really made me as a reader feel immersed the world of the story, granted it did feel a little westernized. I was expecting to hear some Greenland turns-of-phrase, or local expressions, but c'est la vie! However, I was a little put off by how much credit is being given to the character of Knud Rasmussen, even though we're told so little about him and that we know so little about him already. I just thought the overflow of that praise to the character was the biggest weakness, but other than that I really appreciated the intro. The first story was good, but there was a small plot detail in the very beginning that really threw me off for the rest of the story (I had to give it a re-read as a result): in the third sentence starts out as "Legend had it that there was a murder of ravens..." And I kept this detail in mind as I read, because I thought it would be critical to the story. But it turns out that the ravens aren't actually murdered? So maybe consider doing a revision on the first story: go through and read it out loud to see if something doesn't make sense.
I liked your introduction. I thought it was very engaging. One thing I was confused about is that you referred to the three travelers as contestants before even saying why they would be contestants. You got a little ahead of yourself there. So maybe try either rewording it, or explain it earlier in the introduction. Also, the introduction was a little confusing because I was not sure how it was going to translate into something that would be a storybook. It might be I was personally confused by how it read, or it could be the wording itself. I think you have a great idea started; it just could use a little work to make it more apparent how it is the storybook that you are working to create. I also thought your first story fit well and was well written. As I continued reading through your storybook, it made more and more sense. So my final recommendation would be to maybe try to re-word the beginning so that the same meaning still comes across to everyone else.
Jamison- I have to be honest the ending of Speaking Ravens angered me quite a bit but I know that it is the story not you who decided to have Knud clip the king raven’s wings and tongue. I did not like that the bar “erupted in applause.” It was quite unjust for Knud to feel like he had the right to teach the ravens a lesson. I do not blame the ravens for lying to the man, I would not want that man near my king. Because of what I listed above I do not care for the ending and think that many people will feel the same. Other than that your writing was great. The first sentence in the third paragraph was a bit confusing, grammatically. You may want to look at restructuring it slightly. Your paragraph breaks made sense and for the most part there were very little spelling and grammatical errors.
Hey Jamison! First off, I really like the layout of your blog. It’s clean and minimalistic, which really helps the content and pictures shine through. You capture the image of the narrator from the get go. I’m obviously imagining a thick beard and a slight beer belly. The way he talked the reader in really fun and helps us get to know our guide better. I love when the Introductions end on a kind of cliffhanger. You have a great one! The Story “Speaking Ravens” was really good! I liked the origin type story and found it really cool. I think you were able to add Rasmussen and other new characters into the story flawlessly. They merged really well together. Again, I really liked that you ended with a cliffhanger, which made me want to continue reading on. I didn’t see any spelling or grammar errors, not that I’m the best proofreader.
I really enjoyed your storybook. It was very interesting and creative. The layout of your storybook was very clean and organized. This allows the reader to enjoy the storybook more and be more inclined to read it. Your choice of pictures fits well with your theme, especially of your picture of Greenland in your introduction. It really allows the audience to visualize the setting of your storybook. I did not really notice any grammatical or punctuation errors. The story flowed very well. I liked the style of your storybook. I liked how it was like a story pow wow -- a group of people sharing stories. It makes the stories more mystical.
I read the Speaking Raven story and really enjoyed it. I especially liked how you included Bran as the king Raven as the antagonist. It made the story more intriguing and made want to read more of the story.
I really like the style and design of your website. The picture you used on the homepage of the antique North Pole map is awesome! I don’t know much about Knud Rassmusen but I know that he was an anthropologist, which is what I am attending school to become. I LOVE the way you set the stories up in a bar. You didn’t give much detail about the bar, but I kind of like that so I can set up the scene in my head. I saw it as an old bar, kind of like the pub in the beginning of Lord of the Rings, but the people are bigger :) The first story is really good. When those Ravens told him to go up the South side, and he did it, I was getting on to him in my head...dude, you know they lie! LOL I love the explanation as to why Ravens don’t talk any more. The second story was great too. I like how you totally changed the way you wrote. It was like listening to two totally different people. I vote for #1 as the winner so far :)
On a design note, the text from the Carnivorous Canine is a different color than the rest of the stories making it a little harder to read.
Wow! Your stories are great!!! I really like the layout of storybook. It looks really nice and it is really easy to read. The "Carnivorous Canine" was a little more difficult to read than the others though. I love the picture that you have on your homepage. It really sets the plot. I also really like how you placed the stories in a bar. It makes it kind of interesting. I love your stories. They are all very interesting. Your stories flowed very well and were easy to read. They are very creative. There are a few grammar mistakes, but otherwise your stories are very well written. I think "Speaking Raven" was my favorite out of all the stories. I definitely look forward to reading more of your storybook.
Jamison, I really like the point of view that you chose to write your storybook in, with the barkeep acting as the narrator. I am glad that you included some background information in the introduction as well. I had heard of Knud Rassmusen before, but I had no idea who he was or what he did, so the background information really helped. I also think that setting your storybook up as a type of storytelling contest is going to make it interesting and easy to follow. I also like the background and colors that you chose to use, as it is not too plain, but it doesn’t cause any distraction from the reading. I thought that your first story, “Speaking Ravens,” was really good. It flowed really well and the plot was easy to follow. I didn’t see that ending coming, but overall I think you did a great job.
Your storybook project was my choice for the +1 reading to do this week. I chose the Eskimo folk tales as transcribed by Rasmussen for my reading assignment last week, so I immediately recognized the name and had to click on your project. I was not disappointed! I think few people appreciated the Inuit legends told by him and you're doing a great job of incorporating the author into your story retellings! The setting is also perfect for swapping stories and tales of adventure - what better place to do so than the local bar? 'Speaking Ravens' was a good story to start out with, as it gives the reader an idea of how courageous Knud was and to what lengths he would go to find the truth in myths. I think I also detected some Game of Thrones humor in there too, with the King Raven being named Bran. You've definitely chosen a topic that few people would want to tackle, but I really enjoyed the Eskimo folk tales and I think you're doing a good job in retelling them with their transcriber as the main hero.
Your storybook was assigned to me in our group. I thought your storybook was quite creative. I like how you chose to write the story from the perspective of the bartender who met these people when they traveled to his establishment. I did not know much about your Rasmussen character before reading your storybook. I think you did a great job tackling his legend. One small thing that I noticed was that the first two links were written in bold, black lettering and the last two links were in a lighter gray lettering. I'm not sure if that was your intent or not, but the lighter gray lettering did make it a little difficult to read against the white background. The bolder black lettering was easier for me to read. The layout and writing style looked and flowed well. I really liked the picture of the map too. Your color choices fit with your story as well. Overall, good job!
RE: Jamison, thanks for taking a look at my storybook. I stole the book theme from a Bible study google site actually. I found that it fit what I was trying to portray so well that I just copied it and changed some of the elements and WAH-LA it was like Maggie’s own personal journal. I do wish I would have been able to find a script font though.
Ah I really like your story book! I love that your introduction is written from the perspective of the bartender. What a great idea! You have great detail in your stories and the writing flows really well. They were so enjoyable and easy to read. Awesome job on that! I really loved the story about the talking ravens, and I loved that you chose a short story where you would get to create a bunch of your own details. The idea of putting Rasmussen in each of your stories was awesome!
I did notice a few grammatical errors in your story but none of them are major. You misplaced a dash in the story about the speaking ravens. Your story reads "...after our arduous -- trek, well all of us except Rasmussen." The dash should be placed after the word trek though. It also might be helpful to read your stories for comma placement. There were several instances where you were missing commas between phrases. Also it might be useful to put a dash/line between the paragraphs in each of your stories where you switch the narrator from the person telling the story back to the barkeep. It is a little confusing when the narrator switches without any warning.
Overall you storybook looks great! It was super easy to read and really enjoyable! Great job!
First, I liked your cover. That is a pretty cool map that you have chosen. The color scheme of your storybook is nice. It would be great to see a little lmore of your personality in the storybook. Second, your introduction is fantastic. I really felt like I was in the saloon and the barkeep was talking to me. You did a good job of cathing your reader's attention. Phrases like "parched travelers" and "you out-of-towners" kept me involved in the story. You provided a lot of background information about Rasmussen, which is wonderful. I did not know what or who that was. The introduction did a great job of letting me know where the rest of your storybook was headed. Your paragraphing spacing was consistent. The writing was consistent. This is very good. I look forward to reading more stories from you. Good luck!
Week 5 Storytelling: I really like how this story kind of start in the middle. I think it captures the audience at the very beginning, and that is important. As a suggestion, maybe try and create a backstory in why the King no longer cares about materialistic goods. Although, that backstory may be in the original story, so in that sense it creates a curiosity for the reader to go and read the origin story. I like that you include the reactions of village people when the King arrives. Their perspective is important to the story as well. The Author’s Note may be a good place to include more information about why the King had a change of outlook on life. I like how generally happy this story is. It make the reader like the King, makes him more relatable. You talk a touch on the point a little at the very last sentence, but I think it would give the reader a little more context.
ReplyDeleteI hope this is where this is supposed to go.
Introduction: Tall Tales of Rasmussen
ReplyDeleteI liked the way you formatted your introduction. The way you framed the story as if one of the characters was talking to the audience really makes the readers feel part of the story. It gave me the feel of the story A Christmas Carol. I felt like I was Scrooge looking in on what was happening but instead of looking at my life I was looking in on what was happening at The Fishing Hole and the competition that was about to take place. Speaking of the competition, I thought that it was cool that you used the setup of a storytelling competition to transition into the first story of your storybook.
Your layout looks nice as well. The colors that you used fit well with the picture you posted, the setting of the story, and the cold feel of the story that is created by the description of The Fishing Hole. I have never heard of Knud Rasmussen but, your story sounds great and I am interested to read about his adventures.
I really liked your introduction: it really made me as a reader feel immersed the world of the story, granted it did feel a little westernized. I was expecting to hear some Greenland turns-of-phrase, or local expressions, but c'est la vie! However, I was a little put off by how much credit is being given to the character of Knud Rasmussen, even though we're told so little about him and that we know so little about him already. I just thought the overflow of that praise to the character was the biggest weakness, but other than that I really appreciated the intro.
ReplyDeleteThe first story was good, but there was a small plot detail in the very beginning that really threw me off for the rest of the story (I had to give it a re-read as a result): in the third sentence starts out as "Legend had it that there was a murder of ravens..." And I kept this detail in mind as I read, because I thought it would be critical to the story. But it turns out that the ravens aren't actually murdered? So maybe consider doing a revision on the first story: go through and read it out loud to see if something doesn't make sense.
I liked your introduction. I thought it was very engaging. One thing I was confused about is that you referred to the three travelers as contestants before even saying why they would be contestants. You got a little ahead of yourself there. So maybe try either rewording it, or explain it earlier in the introduction. Also, the introduction was a little confusing because I was not sure how it was going to translate into something that would be a storybook. It might be I was personally confused by how it read, or it could be the wording itself. I think you have a great idea started; it just could use a little work to make it more apparent how it is the storybook that you are working to create. I also thought your first story fit well and was well written. As I continued reading through your storybook, it made more and more sense. So my final recommendation would be to maybe try to re-word the beginning so that the same meaning still comes across to everyone else.
ReplyDeleteJamison- I have to be honest the ending of Speaking Ravens angered me quite a bit but I know that it is the story not you who decided to have Knud clip the king raven’s wings and tongue. I did not like that the bar “erupted in applause.” It was quite unjust for Knud to feel like he had the right to teach the ravens a lesson. I do not blame the ravens for lying to the man, I would not want that man near my king. Because of what I listed above I do not care for the ending and think that many people will feel the same. Other than that your writing was great. The first sentence in the third paragraph was a bit confusing, grammatically. You may want to look at restructuring it slightly. Your paragraph breaks made sense and for the most part there were very little spelling and grammatical errors.
ReplyDeleteHey Jamison! First off, I really like the layout of your blog. It’s clean and minimalistic, which really helps the content and pictures shine through. You capture the image of the narrator from the get go. I’m obviously imagining a thick beard and a slight beer belly. The way he talked the reader in really fun and helps us get to know our guide better. I love when the Introductions end on a kind of cliffhanger. You have a great one! The Story “Speaking Ravens” was really good! I liked the origin type story and found it really cool. I think you were able to add Rasmussen and other new characters into the story flawlessly. They merged really well together. Again, I really liked that you ended with a cliffhanger, which made me want to continue reading on. I didn’t see any spelling or grammar errors, not that I’m the best proofreader.
ReplyDeleteHey Jamison!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your storybook. It was very interesting and creative. The layout of your storybook was very clean and organized. This allows the reader to enjoy the storybook more and be more inclined to read it. Your choice of pictures fits well with your theme, especially of your picture of Greenland in your introduction. It really allows the audience to visualize the setting of your storybook. I did not really notice any grammatical or punctuation errors. The story flowed very well. I liked the style of your storybook. I liked how it was like a story pow wow -- a group of people sharing stories. It makes the stories more mystical.
I read the Speaking Raven story and really enjoyed it. I especially liked how you included Bran as the king Raven as the antagonist. It made the story more intriguing and made want to read more of the story.
I really like the style and design of your website. The picture you used on the homepage of the antique North Pole map is awesome! I don’t know much about Knud Rassmusen but I know that he was an anthropologist, which is what I am attending school to become. I LOVE the way you set the stories up in a bar. You didn’t give much detail about the bar, but I kind of like that so I can set up the scene in my head. I saw it as an old bar, kind of like the pub in the beginning of Lord of the Rings, but the people are bigger :)
ReplyDeleteThe first story is really good. When those Ravens told him to go up the South side, and he did it, I was getting on to him in my head...dude, you know they lie! LOL I love the explanation as to why Ravens don’t talk any more.
The second story was great too. I like how you totally changed the way you wrote. It was like listening to two totally different people.
I vote for #1 as the winner so far :)
On a design note, the text from the Carnivorous Canine is a different color than the rest of the stories making it a little harder to read.
Wow! Your stories are great!!! I really like the layout of storybook. It looks really nice and it is really easy to read. The "Carnivorous Canine" was a little more difficult to read than the others though. I love the picture that you have on your homepage. It really sets the plot. I also really like how you placed the stories in a bar. It makes it kind of interesting. I love your stories. They are all very interesting. Your stories flowed very well and were easy to read. They are very creative. There are a few grammar mistakes, but otherwise your stories are very well written. I think "Speaking Raven" was my favorite out of all the stories. I definitely look forward to reading more of your storybook.
ReplyDeleteJamison, I really like the point of view that you chose to write your storybook in, with the barkeep acting as the narrator. I am glad that you included some background information in the introduction as well. I had heard of Knud Rassmusen before, but I had no idea who he was or what he did, so the background information really helped. I also think that setting your storybook up as a type of storytelling contest is going to make it interesting and easy to follow. I also like the background and colors that you chose to use, as it is not too plain, but it doesn’t cause any distraction from the reading. I thought that your first story, “Speaking Ravens,” was really good. It flowed really well and the plot was easy to follow. I didn’t see that ending coming, but overall I think you did a great job.
ReplyDeleteYour storybook project was my choice for the +1 reading to do this week. I chose the Eskimo folk tales as transcribed by Rasmussen for my reading assignment last week, so I immediately recognized the name and had to click on your project. I was not disappointed! I think few people appreciated the Inuit legends told by him and you're doing a great job of incorporating the author into your story retellings! The setting is also perfect for swapping stories and tales of adventure - what better place to do so than the local bar?
ReplyDelete'Speaking Ravens' was a good story to start out with, as it gives the reader an idea of how courageous Knud was and to what lengths he would go to find the truth in myths. I think I also detected some Game of Thrones humor in there too, with the King Raven being named Bran.
You've definitely chosen a topic that few people would want to tackle, but I really enjoyed the Eskimo folk tales and I think you're doing a good job in retelling them with their transcriber as the main hero.
Your storybook was assigned to me in our group. I thought your storybook was quite creative. I like how you chose to write the story from the perspective of the bartender who met these people when they traveled to his establishment. I did not know much about your Rasmussen character before reading your storybook. I think you did a great job tackling his legend.
ReplyDeleteOne small thing that I noticed was that the first two links were written in bold, black lettering and the last two links were in a lighter gray lettering. I'm not sure if that was your intent or not, but the lighter gray lettering did make it a little difficult to read against the white background. The bolder black lettering was easier for me to read.
The layout and writing style looked and flowed well. I really liked the picture of the map too. Your color choices fit with your story as well. Overall, good job!
RE:
ReplyDeleteJamison, thanks for taking a look at my storybook. I stole the book theme from a Bible study google site actually. I found that it fit what I was trying to portray so well that I just copied it and changed some of the elements and WAH-LA it was like Maggie’s own personal journal. I do wish I would have been able to find a script font though.
Ah I really like your story book! I love that your introduction is written from the perspective of the bartender. What a great idea! You have great detail in your stories and the writing flows really well. They were so enjoyable and easy to read. Awesome job on that! I really loved the story about the talking ravens, and I loved that you chose a short story where you would get to create a bunch of your own details. The idea of putting Rasmussen in each of your stories was awesome!
ReplyDeleteI did notice a few grammatical errors in your story but none of them are major. You misplaced a dash in the story about the speaking ravens. Your story reads "...after our arduous -- trek, well all of us except Rasmussen." The dash should be placed after the word trek though. It also might be helpful to read your stories for comma placement. There were several instances where you were missing commas between phrases. Also it might be useful to put a dash/line between the paragraphs in each of your stories where you switch the narrator from the person telling the story back to the barkeep. It is a little confusing when the narrator switches without any warning.
Overall you storybook looks great! It was super easy to read and really enjoyable! Great job!
Hey Jamison,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I liked your cover. That is a pretty cool map that you have chosen. The color scheme of your storybook is nice. It would be great to see a little lmore of your personality in the storybook. Second, your introduction is fantastic. I really felt like I was in the saloon and the barkeep was talking to me. You did a good job of cathing your reader's attention. Phrases like "parched travelers" and "you out-of-towners" kept me involved in the story. You provided a lot of background information about Rasmussen, which is wonderful. I did not know what or who that was. The introduction did a great job of letting me know where the rest of your storybook was headed. Your paragraphing spacing was consistent. The writing was consistent. This is very good. I look forward to reading more stories from you. Good luck!